matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
