I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
