well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
