My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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