The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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