Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
