Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
