the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
