Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
