you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
