No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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