Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
She swung at the pinata with crutches
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
