a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I'm really busy with my period
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