There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend