so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
