dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
