I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
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Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
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Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
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