im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
