i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
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I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
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Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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