he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
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im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
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I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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