1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
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Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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