Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
