Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
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We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
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I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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