Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
it's great music for shaving your balls
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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