I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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