no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
