Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
