I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
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I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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