I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
