I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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