shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
