fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
My balls are so social today.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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