did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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