whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
did i just pee glitter
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
