so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm like, not good at living.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
