My pussy is not your playground.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
