I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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