Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
