I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
