Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
