You smell like stripper and shame
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
