I accidentally had phone sex last night
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
