He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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