I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
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Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
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last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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