i was born a porn star she said
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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