Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
did you just send me my own nude
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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