Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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