I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
