it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
