So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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