so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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