I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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