Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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