i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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