I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
