i think my mom watched the whole time
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
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he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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