I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
