this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
