whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
