I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
