dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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