Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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