She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
